Why can't I just be happy...

I don't know if it's me and my all-or-nothing nature, or if it's the nature of running (or really any athletic pursuit), but even as I know I am progressing I get caught up in an it's still not good enough mentality that detracts from what I'm accomplishing, in my mind.

Yesterday's and today's runs were good in that I got out on the pavement, I ran up hills, and I ran most the while with only 2 30-second walk breaks in the course of 25-30 minute runs. I mean, c'mon! Last week I was fighting through 7 minutes of running and taking 1 minute walk breaks religiously, this week I am running from 8 to 13 minutes with 30 second breaks when I feel I HAVE to, plus some little hills (which I will say some good things about in a minute). So that's progress right?? Instead of being even slightly self-congratulatory I am dwelling on the fact that it is now, on average, taking me about 2 minutes longer to run a mile than it was when I ran and walked a mile. WTF??? I know, I really know, that I should not be concentrating on my pace right now - I want to be able to run for increasing periods of time, I want to run a 5K and finish it without walk breaks (no matter how long it takes). So those are maybe reasonable goals and I'm mucking it all up because now I'm feeling embarrassed that I can walk a mile (and I'm not talking racewalk) faster than I can run it. *sigh* I am my own worst enemy.

Ok, self-pity party's over...

Despite the lament, I am working hard at keeping it all in perspective and I am determined not to sabotage myself. I can clearly see my progression over the past weeks so I can only assume I will continue to do so.

Why I think I love hills...

The past 2 days it's worked like this -
* Warm up: Running for 5 or so minutes - it's a struggle, kind of sucks. Then I do stretches and catch my breath.
* 1st several minutes running: Easy at first, following the stretch break - then gets unpleasant. Eventually take a walk break for 30 secs.
* 2nd several minutes running: I try to run up a hill near the beginning of this interval, not a big hill (though today's was steeper than yesterday's) and then continue running on level. Again, eventually take another 30 second walk break.
* 3rd several minutes running: Here's where I am able to start extending my running time and skipping the walk break. It seems like the hill is what kicks me into gear even though when I was running up it, I thought it would be the death of me. So up until yesterday I was a total flatlander and today I keep thinking about hills. I'm feeling friendly towards them (so far).

Future plans...

I went to an expo put on by a local running club and found out they do developmental runs on Wednesday evenings and that there are usually 100 or so runners of every ability so, per the guy I spoke with, there's bound to be someone I can kind of hook up with to run (ever so slowly). I'm feeling the strain of running alone, it can be peaceful and cathartic but for me, right now it's mostly lonely. Richard recently made a comment that running alone could at times be "disheartening" and I am finding it to be so. Upon my return from Connecticut next week, I am going to check it out.

I registered for what will be my first 5K on June 5th so nothing left to do now but keep running.